Polonius at the dinner table

Monday night at the dinner table.

Me: "How was school?"

Samson: "R___ hit me. I told him: 'Please stop hitting me.' It's not nice."

Me: "Did he stop?"

Samson: "No, but I can't hit him. He's small. And we don't hit people."

And of course, he's right. We've drilled into young Samson that hitting is not OK, and that he cannot hit his sister, the cat, or other people when he gets mad or frustrated or feels especially hitty.

Even so, and I know who R___ is, it took everything in me not to say: Hit him once, hard, and he'll leave you alone. If he doesn't, hit him again. Harder. Also, sweep the leg.

I should confess that I'm not much of a fighter. Growing up as the only boy and having a sister nearly five years younger than you doesn't offer a lot of practice.

And for reasons I'm not totally clear on (but am grateful for), I never got picked on at school on in ways that involved regular beat-downs, locker shovings, de-pantsing [the scourge of junior high hall travel], or the like.

I can actually still recall the first time I was hit. I was in second grade, and the kid who hit me, who is now with the NYPD, wanted my new Nerf football, which I refused to give him. He hit me square in the eye, and I remember, in addition to feeling pain, having this weird kind of epiphany of "Wait? Did he just hit me?! There are people in the world who are going to hit me?! What just happened?!"

I like to think I landed a good punch or two on him before we were broken up and hauled into the principal's office, but I bet not.

Actually, I'm proud (mostly) that Sam took the high road, particularly with a kid who is younger and smaller. That said, I don't want him to be bullied, and well-reasoned arguments will only take you so far, especially at this age.

[Sidenote: I should mention here that Sam has already figured out the power of a put-down. Caroline in his class tried to take something of his last week and he called her, I kid you not, a "bad scientist" and made her cry. They have science class once a week, so I guess his words were particularly stinging.]

Don't tell Vicki, but maybe we'll start mixing in some UFC with his Caillou and Curious George. Not to give him any ideas, but just in case R___ has a growth spurt.